Tonia Lapham Wheeler ’60 — a Lifelong Educator & Advocate for Women

by Rich Beebe P'10

“What I learned from Westover is how to work and live together,” recalls Tonia Lapham Wheeler ’60 — students from different parts of the country and various backgrounds connecting inside and outside the classroom, playing alongside each other on sports teams, and in extracurricular activities like Dorcas and Glee Club.

Those lessons came in handy for Tonia throughout her life, especially in her career in education, including her service as head of Hilltop Montessori School in Putney, Vermont, for several decades. Those experiences also prepared Tonia and her husband Whit to welcome individuals from around the world into their lives when they found themselves in Tonia’s corner of southeast Vermont.

It began, Tonia said, “when a neighbor and friend, Patti Whalen, who had served as an international judge in Bosnia, coordinated a program in 2007 with the International Association of Women Judges to bring several women judges from Afghanistan to the U.S. for judicial training. Over 10 years about 40 judges participated in the program. The judges would spend 10 days in Vermont meeting with lawyers, going to court, speaking at schools — and yes — even shopping and attending potlucks. We had extra room in our house and became a ‘homestay.’ Listening to them sharing their day’s experiences upstairs and giggling reminded me of evenings after study hall at Westover.”

After their stay in Vermont, the women judges would travel to Washington, DC to meet with their American counterparts, visit the Supreme Court, and take part in other activities. “I accompanied them one year and had the great privilege of meeting with Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg,” Tonia recalled.

When Afghanistan suddenly fell in 2021 to the Taliban amid the withdrawal of U.S. forces, Tonia said, “Getting women judges out became critical. Patti spent the next two years working the phones with the State Department and other entities. She was relentless, securing exits for more than 100 women judges.”

They included Anisa Rasooli, who had been in the first group of women judges to visit Vermont in 2007. Rasooli had served as the only woman on the Afghan Supreme Court. “She had jailed many Taliban for violence against women, so it was critical to get her out,” Tonia said. “She and her family were rescued by Polish Special Forces. Our little non-profit group of five friends, under Patti's leadership, were determined to bring Anisa to Vermont.”

During that time, COVID had inspired Tonia’s Westover classmates to start having group monthly calls. In addition to the classmates sharing stories and recommending books, Tonia said, “I was peppered with questions about my experiences with the judges and the efforts to get Anisa to the U.S.” Because the government would not cover travel expenses for Anisa’s family, Tonia said, “I put it out there to the class. I was truly humbled; we raised $5,000. It took 22 months to get her here; she is now happily settled in Burlington and is currently a fellow at the Schell Center for International Human Rights at Yale Law School.”

Tonia and Whit’s volunteer work with refugees has continued. Two years ago, more than 100 Afghan refugees arrived in Brattleboro, VT, through the auspices of the Ethiopian Community Development Council. “Of course we got involved,” Tonia said. “Each Afghan family had a host group of about 10 people to help with resettlement. We became very attached to ‘our’ family and our group. The two daughters ended up at the Montessori school where I had been head for 20-plus years. Whit and I were part of carpool duty; I also volunteered in their English classes. The family came over to do laundry, play games, go for a swim.” Although the family moved last year to New Zealand to be near other family members, “we speak with them weekly,” Tonia added.

“We have continued to work with the refugees,” Tonia said, “Whit with two single men, one from Afghanistan and one from Guatemala. I have been working with a woman from Yemen, as well as driving new refugees to doctor appointments, and asking summer camps to provide free tuition to the children.”